Lembeck Missing, Feared Gay

Buddy Lembeck, recently brought on by some moron as an editor here at the Jerk, has gone missing.

Lembeck (Missing)


It has long been suspected by fellow staff members that Lembeck was leading a double life: One as a cheerful, loving staff editor that no one liked; the other as an in the closet, raging homosexual with a penchant for red-headed boys.

To this end, Buddy Lembeck has gone missing, and even if found, will not be welcome back at the Jerk as we now have a strict Anti-Lembeck policy.

- JP Jones

Lembeck Missing

Hey Jerk editor Buddy Lembeck has been reported missing, according to his mother-in-law Otis. Lembeck, who was named to the blog's editorial staff after his autobiography When's It My Turn to Hop Scotch? made the seller's list, was last seen underneath the break room sink "hiding from the voices", and was later spotted boarding a spaceship to the ceiling.

He is armed with sesame seed bagels and is considered pantsless.


- Correspondent Janet Bryson

Lembeck Hired

Hey Jerk has announced the hiring of Budrick Shenney Lembeck as a new staff editor. Lembeck was staff editor at mustardwaterpranks.com from 1999-2004 and was a writer at the influential blog placespossumsgo.com before being fired for lasagna theft September 19.

The new staff editor released a statement through his lawyer, Marvin Russo:

"Hi."

Lembeck brings with him a rubber penguin, Tony, who handles all dental appointments and a jar of expired milk. Reports indicate he's already made several enemies at the blog, including fellow editor Capolo and Dorothy, the old lady that lives in Capolo's ear.