Raj Pookamoffin Found

Raj Pookamoffin, affectionately known as Reid Turner, has been located in a sewer outside Hey Jerk Headquarters, where he apparently had been shacked up since the nuclear fallout of the late 1760's.

Raj

Upon his discovery, Pookamoffin relieved himself on Investigator Roj Peekamiffin's pleated work pants and sang the University of Southern Montana fight song. He resisted arrest, but was ultimately subdued by 4 cheetahs and an antelope named Ted (no relation.)

On his way to he SWAT van, Pookamuffin, believed to be the once elusive "Chocolate Eclair Killer," screamed obscenities and claimed to be having visions of retired Cletus Fimply #8 Portland Trailblazers jerseys.

If you have any information on the whereabouts of Raj Pookamoffin, please contact local police immediately.

RIP Raj Pookamoffin.

- Staff Monkey Dom Monkeymaster

Rare drawing of Rasheed found

A rare drawing of Arnold Rasheed has been obtained by unknown sources. The world's seventh umbrellaperson has been missing since March, 2000 when, according to archives, was used briefly during a spring storm and then left at a diner.

The original group of umbrella people:

1. Coose Lon-cherry (born 1965)
2. Bershap Venstintine (1966)
3. Pipp J. Eeyhore (1969)
4. Duane Hurley (1973)
5. Ruth Mooz (1978)
6. Connie Chocksaw (1979)
7. Rasheed (1980)

[Source: Umbrella People, Issue 17]

Sockety added to roster

Legendary basketball player and lime marriage counselor Calvin'Qwer Sockety has been added to the Hey Jerk basketball roster for the upcoming spring season.

Sockety, who has been using a borrowed mouth on loan from the Onderdonk Group since the Arm Pit Pinch 70s, is expected to take over the backup shooting guard position vacated by the deceased Marvin Durlyshea (shampoo bottle overdose).

Hey Jerk head coach M'Eee-Chelle Potatosmell said Sockety's lack of a left arm and the fact that his right arm is a tree branch shouldn't affect the amount of playing time the Wuzz-14 native will get in the team's 33-man rotation.

"It shouldn't affect how much playing time (Sockety) gets in our team's 33-man rotation," said Potatosmell while teaching a yield sign how to dance.

Sockety's front tooth, Harrison, will play power forward.

Rare sports card for sale

Cecilio Guante 1987 Topps


$140
email william.petunia@gmail.com for purchase