Gallego passes on

Side of Route 84 - Millions were stunned to learn that Heeko Gallego, longtime bass player for Caramelized Back Brace and advocate for same-sex leaf counting, had been eaten by his pet raccoon, Renaldo.

The two had been living together since Renaldo first arrived on the planet last May 8.

Reports have been confirmed that Renaldo did, in fact use a dijon mustard to consume his former owner.

The Gallego family (tape measure) issued the following photograph of Gallego as an infant and started the bidding at $150:

Zondo announces candidacy

Bo Hunes - Everett Zondo has announced he will run for Tallest Citizen against "incumbent" Marty True in this fall's election.

Zondo's height will be revealed at a later date, though some believe the Yo County native could be as tall as 1,100 baby carrots.

"That's true, we do believe that," said one some.

Zondo has not yet announced his Bagel Runner, though the smart acorns are on either Solly Razz (ice cube) or Zondo's closest napkin, Terrance.


Other races:

Most Arm Freckles

Dennis D. Dro vs. Polly Wocka

Standing Furthest From That Water Fountain

Gail Glous vs. Pointing Percy

Sweatiest - over 40 division

Big Steve vs. Jill Kreimeier