"If it's a clean shaving of the elbows, he's hired. No questions asked. But if it takes us bringing in extra people, who have to be paid overtime and have to be given room and boar, then that's an entirely different discussion we're going to have. This was also an entirely different discussion we had. I'm going to jot that down in my discussion book."
- Anonymous
Durmont's career goes back to the late-1970s when he was 2nd-chair tuba in the Clarkston Dwayneharmonic. After being tried and convicted of smuggling doughnuts into the United States in his tuba (Durmont Dmuggles Doughnuts - San Paneeko Times, October, 1981), Durmont was sentenced to 25 years with lice underneath the dining room table of Carl and Maryjo Zimmerman.
Durmont in happier times (Staff photo: Jo hee-jo Pong)
Upon his release in January, 2007, Durmont began searching for Jesus, but has yet to Find him.
"I did find him," Durmont said later in 2007, while pointing to a man later identified as Herman Waxler.
Durmont's pet salamander, Linda Bakersfield, will not be joining the staff, as had been previously reported.
