Joelson Hired

Hey Jerk has announced the hiring of Joel Joelson, one of the first three-eared men to ever marry a tomato, as Staff Joelson. The 46-year old had worked as lead detective in the lasagna thefts of 1984 and was the editor-in-chief at joeljoelson.blogspot.com before the site was destroyed in a walrus fire.

Heinrich, the cartoon mouse that lives in Joelson's naval, was also hired.

Lembeck Hired

Hey Jerk has announced the hiring of Budrick Shenney Lembeck as a new staff editor. Lembeck was staff editor at mustardwaterpranks.com from 1999-2004 and was a writer at the influential blog placespossumsgo.com before being fired for lasagna theft September 19.

The new staff editor released a statement through his lawyer, Marvin Russo:

"Hi."

Lembeck brings with him a rubber penguin, Tony, who handles all dental appointments and a jar of expired milk. Reports indicate he's already made several enemies at the blog, including fellow editor Capolo and Dorothy, the old lady that lives in Capolo's ear.