Breaking: Oscar Rainbow Dead

Longtime contributor and Staff Lunatic/Murderer Oscar Rainbow has been found deceased in his box on 147th and Pine Street in Cleveland (Under the charcoal dumpster.)

Rainbow (Dead)

While the cause of death has not yet been made public, rumors indicate that Mr. Rainbow was SBGS (Squashed By Gorilla Stampede). Rainbow was found wearing his favorite "Oscar Rainbow Lives" t-shirt.

In lieu of flowers, please send cold-hard-cash to Enrie Ploop at:

1 Ernieploop Lane
Aardvark, Idaho 98078

Mr. Ploop will "spend the money on hookers and needle drugs."

So long, Oscar.

- Staff Idiot Bob Feathers

Flanellette mail surfaces

The Jerk has obtained a letter sent from Skungus Flanellette

to Bobby Thomp-kins during the red (ear) scare of the 1950s. Here is the full letter:

Orr & Fluto (sp.?),

Do you think that new "regime" (9) Claude Julien will be kept for Bruins?

I really love all your works with Globe since I enter this country (Hector Williamson - 1977-2015).

Fandom,

Adolf

Flanellette - 96% grapefruit - worked under the British/Columbus, Ohio doctor Narscor Devadeel and discovered a cure for "scratchy formhead" in 1997 that is still in use by semi-bro Dennis teams all over the.

Stay in tune (cuminseed) for firmer updates (jogglie).