Fartbug makes team

Breaking news out of the team's training camp at Fozzlo Community College as Bill Fartbug has earned a spot on the 111-man roster for the upcoming season. Fartbug, the first eight-legged creature to play professionally, was told he had made the team during the annual find-the-spaghetti-in-the-woods competition.

Fartbug will wear the same No. 12 he wore during his collegiate days when he starred at Unnamed College.

Fartbug is missing most of his head and eyeballs and eyebrows are attached, but coach Marty Waffle ('T' encyclopedia class of '88) doesn't think it will affect his performance.

"No, you're right, I don't think it will affect his performance," said Waffle, before taking one last sip of his diet ice cube.

Fartbug's asparagus tail could become a problem during the team's week 11 game against the Asparagus Eaters, who dominated the league a year ago in Total Asparagus Eaten & Total Asparagus Coveted.

Staff correspondent Denise Burpe contributed to this story