Hey Jerk editor Buddy Lembeck has been reported missing, according to his mother-in-law Otis. Lembeck, who was named to the blog's editorial staff after his autobiography When's It My Turn to Hop Scotch? made the seller's list, was last seen underneath the break room sink "hiding from the voices", and was later spotted boarding a spaceship to the ceiling.
He is armed with sesame seed bagels and is considered pantsless.
- Correspondent Janet Bryson
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