2011 Gas Draft Round 1

(Commentary by Oscar Rainbow and Capolo)

1. Atlanta Doody - Queng-Pu Dong - Korea University of Gas and Flatulence. Dong had long been considered a low first round pick, but his recent 17 second rumble that shot a burst of flame out of his rectum (Billy Cheshire, 12 yrs old, DEAD), pushed him to the top of the board.

2. Pittsburgh Wind - Ross Oberman - Steinklaus Tech. Oberman's gas was recently categorized as "melting squirrel", which impressed scouts during the Oklahoma City Combine in May. Rumored to be entering the 2011 Poo Draft, Oberman instead devoted his career to gas, a switch he wrote about in his autobiography "Kiss Me, I'm Gaseous".

3. Philadelphia Sharts - D. Devito - Aschermann School of Fire. Devito was thought to have been a lock for the top pick in this years draft, but had a leak at the Detroit combine during a standard blow-and-go exercise. Clean up took over 4 hours and delayed combine progress.

4. Garrison County Vipers - Ernest Sheckles - Russo University. Won the Farties in 2003, 2005 and 2008. Scout Mitchell Wentworth: "Sheckles isn't afraid of friendly fire, something that's rare in a teenager. He'll be a great fit for any team looking to build a foundation of young, aggressive wind blowers."

5. Ottawa Plungers (via San Fran) - Plumpy Foo - N/A. Foo becomes the youngest gasser drafted in history at the ripe age of 4. At 3 years 8 months, farted the Star Spangled Banner. At 3 years, 11 Months killed Fred Binkley (neighbor) with lock-in gas passing.

6. Hendersonville Jaspers - Nickafont Brazlin - Toronto School of Proper Wind. Brazlin is a risky pick as he has already signed with an overseas traveling wind orchestra "Sharting Isaiah". Once farted on an elephant, reversing the course of history and removing the word 'chili' from all local dictionaries.

7. Cleveland Cornshit - Court Anksherman - Harvard University. Anksherman, formerly known as Da'Quongelo, proved his worth at the 1996 Yugoslav Air Re-Direction Games, where he pole vaulted a fart 23 feet, shattering the former record.

8. Detroit Weasels (via Montreal) - Harold Jensen - Poopy State. Jensen set a record in 1996, letting a fart go for 17 consecutive seconds, which injured a field mouse and single-handily ended the War of Many Harolds. Career tinkle-poo ratio: 11:6

9. Montreal Mongoose - Urine Feces - Sydney Alligator and Walrus and Hippopatamus School of the Yellow. Feces made his debut only 2 weeks ago at the Syndey Stinkers AAA matchup by running onto the field and igniting a hot air balloon with his gas, flying away and not seen since. Mongoose take the risk that Feces will arise and dominate the Gas industry.

10. Hartford Ducks - Mickey Ruso - George's Technical Institute. Ruso was expected to be one of the top two picks in the draft, but fell to the end of the first round after his infamous No Wipe video surfaced on the internet. International farting champion for six consecutive seasons and 2008 winner at the World Series of Wind. Killed three raccoons with a December, 2010 fart, still a Lempken County record (Lempken County Historical Society, page 38).

11. Hartford Ducks (from New Zealand) - Stains Anderson - University of the Earth. Anderson was expeected to be chosen no earlier than the 14th round, but shot up the charts, literally, when he sprayed diarrhea on the draft board performing a Roanoke Rocket for a tryout for Tampa earlier this month.

12. Heet Valley Broncos - Brown Venters - Appaplondis University. A gamble pick for Heet Valley as Venters is a known no-pants participant, which is a violation of National Farting League rules. If he can learn to put on his dungarees, and lose the fake British accent, he could take the Broncos to the playoffs for the first time since the Piso Administration. Fart motto: "My wind cures potato famine."

13. Conyers Flatulators - Kong-Li Shermania - Shermania University. Shermania, seventh in a long line of professional Shermania farters, brings his patented "Kong-Pow" to the ring for Conyers, a squad desperately in need of a front-line passer after the defection of Shitbrains Smythe to Hong Kong in the offseason.

14. St. Louis Brown (via Qwekitch) - Padrick Zin - Opple Tech. Zin farted the theme song to the hit show Only the 37 of Us, which won him three pieces of toast. Played left field for Team 4 in 2010 and his fart while lying down in the outfield killed a record 42 blades of grass.

15. Las Vegas Coolie - Forfeit Pick. Las Vegas enacts clause 14.1b and acts upon their right to forfeit their pick in exchange for assassination of previous pick. Padrick Zin is forcibly removed from Draft HQ and farted to death in the Pass-assination Room by the "Odor Panel," 14 passers who serve this function exclusively.