The Jerk has made a shocking hire, what with the economic climate and the rate of toast crumbs-to-canaries at an all-time low, bringing on Stan "Poopy" Lemoncottage as Staff Bum. Lemoncottage worked at influential blogs such as Russo Stains and I Picked Frozengard's Nose, and was campaign director for Bog Piso in 1988.
Lemoncottage, 36, will also be in charge of recruiting Ernies for the upcoming War of Too Many Ernies, held August 9-11 at the fairgrounds.
Carpet sample, 41, declined comment.
- Correspondent T'Kwayshon Addelsby
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