League treasurer under investigation

Gafreda County Softball Association treasurer Jill Frangepane is under investigation for allegedly laundering league profits and for employing an illiterate penguin since November, 2009.

The laundering charges stem from an audit performed on the GCSA's finances in January, which showed more than $30 was funneled into a company that manufactures hearing aids for teddy bears.

The penguin charge is especially alarming as Frangepane has a history with the bird. She was accused, and later acquitted, of attempted Penguin 1 in 1999, and in 2005 married a penguin named Carl for citizenship purposes.

Frangepane released a statement through her lawyer, Henry Loiyer:

"Please get down from my client's bird feeder."

Meet a GCSA Team: West Ferguson Alleycats

Location: West End, Ferguson City
Team name: Alleycats
Stadium: VC&V Park
Capacity: 15,000
Owner: Bert Nimmitz
GM: vacant
Manager: Murray Barfield
Last season: 25-16, 4th place
Southwest Conference

C: Chooch Mondale
1B: Otis Pinkly
2B: Hymel Berroa
SS: Marty Eefis
3B: Kirk Whirble
RF: Vic Pryor
CF: Joyce Vanderells
LF: Kirby Samples
UT: Mike Gallego

SP: Chickadee Baker
SP: Bo Jolsen
RP: Zi-Fong Karoo
RP: Samantha Martinez
CL: Johnny Pepper

Meet a GCSA Team: Nottingham Noodles

Location: Nottingham City
Team name: Noodles
Stadium: Fettucine Stadium at Noodle Park
Capacity: 2,500
Owner: A. Crugg
GM: Sandra Vincent
Manager: Pooh Zeoli
Last season: 12-29, 9th place
Southwest Conference

C: Mutt Celery
1B: Shonsen Pepano IV.
2B: Paco Mejia
SS: Hirotoshi Sato
3B: Wilson Woo
RF: No Feet McNamara
CF: Bip Hendrickson
LF: Waylen Woo
UT: Monty Bobo
UT: Taco Lashon

SP: Sid Eeery
SP: Solomon Nettles
SP: Otis Peakaboo
RP: Ellis Yaycheez
CL: Mooneyes Martin

Meet a GCSA Team: Team 4

Location: Atlanta, GA
Team name: Team 4
Stadium: Blackburn Park at Janis Field
Capacity: 22,000
Owner: vacant
GM: vacant
Manager: vacant
Last season: 0-41, 15th place
Southwest Conference

C: L'Rondae Appelby
1B: Paul Powe
2B: Buddy Samples
SS: Alvaro Espinoza
3B: Johnny Derwood
RF: Carol Hezzish
CF: Tommy Dent
LF: Pete Zyn
UT: Pervis Powe

SP: Stefan
RP: Mort Russo

Meet a GCSA Team: Stan, Ralph and Ralph Law Associates

Location: Conyers, GA
Team Name: Stan, Ralph and Ralph Law Associates
Stadium: Morris the Cat's Litter Box
Capacity: 0
Owner: Stan Fonway
GM: Ralph Fonway
Manager: Ralphy-Ralph Peskowitz
Last Season: 20-21, 9th place Northwest Conference

Roster

1B: Stan Fonway
2B: Stanley Fonway Jr.
SS: Chet Winklebon
3B: Jose Lind
LF: Ralph Fonway
CF: Tunaman
RF: Ralphy-Ralph Peskowitz
C: Lil' Quembo

SP: Ed Murdock
SP: Yu Sha Wu Fen Li
SP: Chung Fonway
RP: Bip Bipperd
RP: Gary
CL: Domination Harris

Meet a GCSA team: South Ewing Raiders

Location: 320 South Ewing Blvd.
Team name: Raiders
Stadium: Nosenphronz Stadium
Capacity: 4,000
Owner: Gil Shmulick
GM: Murray Peeptinke
Manager: Ed Potts Jr.
Last season: 24-17, 4th place
Southwest Conference

C: Nester Craymore
1B: Early Shue
2B: Ni-Hop Chui
SS: Bip Lyons
3B: Sid Derwood
RF: Lester Craymore
CF: Natalie O'Shea
LF: Doo Donaldson
UT: Zat McReynolds

SP: She She Shimmitz
SP: Wyatt Zirondack
SP: Willitte Zirondack
RP: Fu Twan
CL: Floody Feet Murdock

Meet A GCSA Team: Sid's Sub Shop

Location: West Chuckles
Team name: Sid's
Stadium: Tubs Bracken Memorial Field
Capacity: 40
Owner: Abner Cruthnick
GM: Viv Cruthnick
Manager: Jolly Perkins
Last season: 23-18, 7th place
Southwest Conference

C: Divonshai Clifford
1B: Herb Alloway
2B: Lyonel Kingston
SS: Bernie Tapada
3B: The Forehead
RF: Alphonse Butter
CF: Waylon Pete
LF: H'Kwonce Butter
UT: Jolly Perkins

SP: Delwood Morris
SP: Milkcarton Graham
RP: Ethan Jelly
CL: Bingo Marcel

Meet a GCSA Team: Delwood City

Location: Delwood City
Team Name: Blue Octopus
Stadium: Juan Bagel Memorial Field
Capacity: 500
Owner: Ziff Kershaw
GM: vacant
Manager: Luis Polonia
Last Season: 16-25, 10th place
Southwest Conference

C: Yoop Lyle
1B: Marty Benson
2B: Sal Delmonico
SS: K'Shontay Berkhalter
3B: Vic Delmonico
RF: Pu Za
CF: The Truth
LF: Rhonda Russo

SP: Kneecap Winfrey
SP: Persistence Thomas
SP: Chuckles Galloway
RP: Todd Toddrick
CL: Kyong-Mein Kwong

Meet A GCSA Team: The Pet Store

Location: The Pet Store, 43rd St.
Team Name: Golden Hurricanes
Stadium: Mulk Ruso Park at Kirk Sherman Grounds
Capacity: 234,000
Owner: Mick Rudolph
GM: Randy Velarde
Manager: Steve Balboni
Last Season: 19-22, 9th place
Southwest Conference

C: Potts Bottington
1B: Pooky Rice
2B: Emmit Balboni
SS: Kurtis Christmas
3B: Noodles McGinley
RF: Benson Vanderells
CF: Cr'shonshay Reynolds
LF: Bennnet Gibbons

SP: Peekis O'Shea
SP: Ernest Sherman
RP: Stinkyneck Daniels
CL: Bu Vin-Sha

Meet A GCSA Team: Mort's Hardware Lions

Location: South Gafreda
Team name: Lions
Stadium: Bloop Soda Stadium
Capacity: 46,000
Owner: Herbert Landover II
GM: vacant
Manager: Ernie Battaglia
Last season: 16-25, 9th place
Southwest Conference

C: Chubs Eckard
1B: Daff Arlington
2B: Olly Ocean
SS: Felipe Espinosa
3B: Charlie Duckett
RF: Peeps Tomlinson
CF: Min Se-Choi
LF: Roberto Cabrera
UT: Yutz Bokka

SP: Len Barberberry
SP: The New Millenium
RP: Pencilneck Jamison
RP: Bobby Sazzle
CL: Koko Zafron

Meet a GCSA Team: Herzog Vipors

Location: Herzog City
Team name: Vipors
Stadium: Marc Russo Stadium
Capacity: 34,000
Owner: Walter Ku
GM: Wick Waymont
Manager: Gene Bechtold
Last season: 30-11, 2nd place
Southwest Conference

C: Dirk Leaf
1B: Meepos Tryzabell
2B: Biff Cucumber
SS: Wimpy
3B: Walter Ku
RF: Whiskers Callahan
CF: Chickadee Moses
LF: J.R. Crugg

SP: Chozblin O'Shoogie
SP: Pudding Drop Murphy
RP: Niles Tuckaho
RP: Uri Obokorov
CL: Xavier Knuckles

Meet A GCSA Team: Ervin Fishbine's Team

Location: Fishbine Valley
Team name: The Fishbines
Stadium: Fishbine Stadium
Capacity: 1,800
Owner: Oort Kellow
GM: Vershon MaKinley
Manager: Stefan Cershon
Last season: 14-27, 13th place
Southwest Conference

C: Plumpy Hixson
1B: Dylan Sawgrass
2B: Zits Paddock
SS: Bert Fronz
3B: Cr'Shonsin Addelby
RF: Marylou Kepshire
CF: Amanda Pinecone
LF: Pimples Petry
UT: Ooogie Bolshane

SP: Shmulick
SP: Kanicfee Goldstein
SP: Murray Blydsdale
RP: Chuckles McCan
CL: Hotfeet York

Meet A GCSA Team: Enis Valley Torpedos

Location: Enis Valley, GR
Team name: Torpedos
Stadium: Torpedos Park
Capacity: 4,000
Owner: Geraldine Martin
GM: Hannah Beverly
Manager: Mick Kiprikov
Last season: 27-14, 3rd place
Southwest Conference

C: Blake LaSalle
1B: Simple Blinky
2B: Maggie Eckersley
SS: Yoyo Carter
3B: Ogden Clipper
RF: Mo Golden
CF: Shien-Wong Zaing
LF: Cliff Didier Jr.
UT: Zie Yu-Fonce

SP: Rachel Woddles
SP: Phillipe
RP: Kelton Awlfellow
CL: Sugarshake Barfield

Meet A GCSA Team: East Ferguson Squash

Location: East Ferguson
Team Name: Squash
Stadium: Ziff Laundry Detergent Field
Capacity: 8,000
Owner: Vic Lemmit
GM: vacant
Manager: Barry Ossining IV.
Last Season: 2-39, 14th place
Southwest Conference

C: Oscar Acopa
1B: Ralph Lenwoos
2B: Felix Mejia
SS: Pee Pee Jafron
3B: Clem Idelby
RF: Shersher Queh
CF: Valerie Ossining
LF: Benson Berg

SP: Charles Ebeneezer
SP: Seth Doleman
SP: Itch Valensock
RP: Soko Pok
RP: Otis Lazlo

Meet A GCSA Team: LaSalle Street Crusaders

Location: 414 LaSalle Street, Zullitztown
Team name: Crusaders
Stadium: Tom's Potato Chips Field
Capacity: 300
Owner: Niles Nawk
GM: Bernard Plumptin
Manager: Ernie Woolard
Last season: 20-21, 7th place
Southwest Conference

C: Weffle Podree
1B: Amis Leach
2B: Connie Simsall
SS: Bobby Shelwood
3B: Chicken Wire McMurtry
RF: Pablo Destrade
CF: Robin Curly
LF: Poog Cronin
UT: Andy Stankiewicz
UT: Ernie Woolard

SP: Fernando
SP: Daylight Baines
RP: Melvin Montana

Meet A GCSA Team: Clupitchtown Asparagus

Location: Clupitchtown
Team Name: Asparagus
Stadium: Asparagus Park
Capacity: 45
Owner: Tucker Wu
GM: Maggie Bennett
Manager: Wimpy Zazz
Last Season: 27-14, 4th place
Southwest Conference

C: C.J. Doddamohn
1B: Boshay Clemente
2B: Penny James
SS: Garrison Cheeks
3B: Abe Buckets
RF: Nick Daquick
CF: Seymour Fonchonski
LF: Danielle Fonchonski

SP: Popo Walcott
SP: Bobo Buckets
RP: Elvis Jojo
RP: V'Kwontavius Marshall

Meet A GCSA Team: Warren Road

Location: West Gafreda
Team Name: Warren Road
Stadium: Shonsen Pepano Memorial Field
Capacity: 3,300
Owner: Jeffrey Lyons
GM: Percy Schmidt
Manager: Pasqual Perez
Last Season: 20-21, 9th place
Southwest Conference

C: Doof Quintera
1B: Kelvin Charles
2B: Salvador Crosby
SS: Trevor Travis
3B: Pickle Pickell
RF: Cholly
CF: Schmertz Febblo
LF: Vladimir
UT: Yert Clemons

SP: Robert Alan Feathers
SP: Len McReynolds
RP: Happyears McNulty
RP: Odibe Yunk
CL: Qua Zitz-Shine

Teams for upcoming GCSA season announced

Southeast Conference

Cleveland Garys
4th Street Dollar Store
Grandma Bertha's Bombers
New York Albatross
Montreal Flooring and Carpet
Team 35
Pauly's Plumbing
FetaCheeseRocks.Com
Stan, Ralph and Ralph Law Associates
Dinkie's Oversized Tractors
Fred's Hot Dogs
Paulfield University Pauls
Victor's Vigilant Hobos
North Ave. Coffee Shop Yetis
San Francisco 94'ers

Northwest Conference

Mort's Hardware Lions
Nottingham Noodles
Enis Valley Torpedos
Delwood City Blue Octupus
The Pet Store Golden Hurricanes
Ferguson City Squash
Herzog Vipors
Team 4
Ervin Fishbine's Team
West Ferguson Alleycats
Warren Road
Clupitchtown Asparagus
LaSalle Street Crusaders
South Ewing Raiders
Sid's Sub Shop

Sazzle Arrested

Mort's Hardware Lions reliever Bobby Sazzle was arrested Wednesday evening for public disturbance. Sazzle, who was a 2010 Gafreda County All-Star for the Nottingham Noodles but was traded for a bag of chocolate-covered cherries to Mort's Hardware in February, was brought into police custody after Sgt. Ernie Veltz had to be called to the 31-year old's two-story refrigerator box.

"Mr. Sazzle was screaming profanity at his goldfish, who he claimed was called "Uncle Amos", and was without pants when I asked him to calm down," Veltz said. "He refused and began to reenact the battle of lettuce mountain, which he said was 'the key scene' of a play he starred in in the 40s. I apprehended the suspect and placed him in the squad car and I believe he relieved himself on the back seat."

Lions' owner Herbert Landover II declined comment.