After capping a memorable 2011 with the hiring of Ed Cooley as Staff Cooley, the Jerk made another shocking hire Wednesday evening, adding Private John Coolie (Uruguagian, retired).
Coolie is a veteran of many wars, including The War To Eliminate Murray Werner and the War Of Too Many Percys.
He'll begin his tenure as soon as the 73-year old passes a Phui physical.