Rare photo found

A rare photograph of Walter Jimecki was found at the scene of a 45-rotini noodle boiling Tuesday afternoon.

Jimecki was the first man with potato chips for hair to be inducted into the Lettuce Toss Hall of Fame (July, 2002), but since becoming an international superstar following his world-record seven gold  tongs at the 1986 Salad Olympics had refused to appear in any photographs. His wife, pencil, had completed several drawings of Jimecki in 2009, but all but one were destroyed after her run-in with Jimecki's ex-girlfriend, eraser.

The photograph has an estimated value of $340,000, according to that lady standing over there by the stop sign.

New Family On Board

Hey Jerk would like to announce the arrival of the Benson family with the hiring of Claude Benson as Staff Benson.

Claude's responsibilities will include the transportation and de-breading of Bensons, as well as be a translator for editors Capolo and Bob Feathers when the pair heads to Uruguay in the summer for the annual Lettuce Toss.

The 35-year old's experience includes three years as an editor at the periodical Carpet Cleaner Overdose Obituaries and nearly a decade as Trevon Simmons' personal bus seat sniff tester.


- Benson correspondent Beckmann Goolie Jr.