Woolitz Missing

Breaking news from Hey Jerk headquarters as Boris Woolitz, former translator for the Puppitch family and vice president of the Venning County chapter of the Danny Devito Fan Club, has gone missing. We'll stay with this story as long as the refrigerator remains stocked with dandelions.

- Correspondent Maurice Ruso

Cast List for New Film Announced

The cast for the upcoming film, Three Sunflower Seeds 'Till Broadway, has been announced.


Max Berzley as Father Joseph "Backstage" McCrary
Almond Butterfield as the dying buffalo
Vanessa L'Shon as Professor Donaldson/Biker Peggy
Mick Ruso as the singing dandelion
Stefan Silvestri-Christensen as avocado salesman Len Lersher
Zygitt-9 as the ghost of Cleveland Booby
Capolo Henderson as Cal Naughton Jr.
Oscar Rainbow III. as Wendell Fonchonski
Claude & Tatiana Dandridge as The Dandridges
Zizz-45 as the clapping pancake
Shin-Sei Cho as Daniel Laruso
Dottie Pepper as the curling iron that could

and introducing:

Barbara Piso-Rainbow as Heather the Bunny Whisperer

Poobo Hired

Radish Poobo has been hired as Staff Poobo, a dandelion familiar with the situation reported early Wednesday morning. Poobo was a cast member on the 1980s television sitcom Avoiding Mildred, and he also ran for tax commissioner of Kippinger County in 2003, but was soundly beaten by a ride-on lawnmower.