QWEKINGER COUNTY - Inappropriate graffiti was discovered on candidate Bobby Feathers' campaign billboard Thursday morning. The vandalism is part of a difficult week for Feathers, who Wednesday learned he had fathered an illegitimate plum, hours after finding a sunflower seed had been glued to his ear.
"We're going to press on with this campaign," Feathers said to his toaster oven. "I never thought someone would stoop so low to not only spray paint the 'P' word onto our billboard, but leave a pile of the 'P' word on the lawn in front. It's a dark day for billboards."
- Campaign correspondent Settle Roundhead
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