Finnegan Found Hanging From Ceiling, Carted Away by Authorities

Staff Randy Johnson Niles Finnegan was found in his 144th floor office hanging from the ceiling today by Staff Hippo Tr'Von McCharles.

Finnegan

"He was just hanging there, speaking to himself about the economy in a low whisper and eating a bologna sandwich" said Mr. McCharles, who immediately alerted the authorities.

Finnegan was carted off against his will by O'Shoogie doctors, but did manage to remove his pants before the doctors were able to medicate him.

Finnegan is up for euthanization tomorrow at 7 AM.

- Staff Walnut Teddy Pinecone

Finnegan Hired

Niles Finnegan
Staff Randy Johnson

Experience:

September, 1997 - Played Randy Johnson in the hit play Randy Johnson On The Roof.
May, 2003 - Threw a four-hit shut out against the Milwaukee Brewers. Married a moose named Darryl in the parking lot after the game.
May, 2003 - Divorced moose after an argument over where the car was parked.
December, 2009 - At Pershack County Mall, played a Santa Claus for one day. Fired for boot removal/assault with a boot.
August, 2012 - Fired at Hey Jerk, Get Off My Lawn.

Softball experience:

October, 2010 - Outfielder for Team 4. Led squad with six infield fall downs, nine look-arounds and 11 Zinns.

Blog enemies:

1. Edward Xomcheese
2. Ern Ploop Jr.
3. Bobby Biggles
4. Mollie Mejito