Art Brestin, war hero and former backpack model, was killed at headquarters by several flying potatoes late Monday. Brestin, who claims to have fought in over 400 wars, fighting with such historic figures as the Romans, Abraham Lincoln and Ulises S. Grant, killing Napoleon and Custer, and waging war against the sun in the early-1970s, was 1,100-years old at the time of this death.
His nose was 4.
Brestin's brother, Ernie, delivered the eulogy:
"Well, that's it."
