Jerk staff move into new HQ building

The 1,100-person/iguana/half-men-half-desk lamp/parakeet staff at the Jerk moved into a brand-new headquarters building Wednesday afternoon.

The staff had been housed in Derwood Forest, surviving on pond water and the remains of Dwayne Durly, since the original headquarters building collapsed in February, 2010.

After the ceremonial ear cutting, there was worldwide reaction to the move:

"That's huge news for Taiwan."

- Staff Randy Johnson

As has happened with the opening of each new headquarters building since the Jerk's inception in 1936, several staff members and onlookers perished during the move, including Vicente Padilla impersonator Murray Ruso, Buck Pepano, "Chaz", the singing ceiling fan of hope, Dorothy Glenn, Izz-4, Pee-Po-Gee-Johng, Jamison Jazzawick, Gary Fempot IV and the entire cast of the hit show Me And Ewing Zeeble.