Capolo Missing

Hey Jerk editor Capolo Henderson has been reported missing, according to Stan Jensen and his goldfish, Marty.

Henderson, who ate a banana early Thursday, then jogged 11 feet to the dumpster to throw out a banana peel, was 37-years old at the time of his disappearance.

Experts believe he may have been wearing slippers and calling himself Darryl at the time of the disappearance, though other taller experts believe the previous experts mentioned in this story may have been connected with an underground Gary coalition, which would stricken from the record any future testimony and eggplant.

The Jerk investigative staff, led by Horace D'Ushayne, will be live at the mustard house throughout the day with live reports.