Monday Morning News - with Ronald Bergomac

Hi, I'm Ronald Bergomac, international villain and renowned alien. You may know me from my reality show, "The Bergomac's Take Australia (And Kill Everyone There)," or by my autobiography "Hi, I'm Ronald Bergomac and I Hope After You Read This Book You Perish." If, for some reason, you still do not recognize me, I will provide the photo below.

Ron (October, 2010)



Now that we are friends, I'd like to share my thoughts on the recent Klossinger Arrival. I shared a yacht with Walter Klossinger on Egbo-9 sometime over 50 earth years ago. He was a decent Klossinger, but had one serious defect: hippos. Klossinger took his hippos (Ollie and Poonquah) with him wherever he traveled. Subsequently, our yacht was doomed from the start, as as soon as old Ollie and Pooonquah stepped foot on it we began our descent to the ocean floor. After Walt perished, I was inspired to take my "talents" to Earth, where I could surely make a difference with you're primitive race. I believe I have done that in my 30 some odd years on your planet - I created the mule and ran for governor of Asia. That said, the arrival of a new Klossinger is troubling and ushers in a new era here on Earth - the Bergomac/Klossinger wars are undoubtedly about to commence.

If you wish, as a human, to remain alive, then please stay out of our way. The Bergomac clan will do what needs to be done to protect ourselves from the reign of Klossinger, who no doubt wishes to claim our power as his own. I will provide periodic updates on the war from the Bergomac point of view.

Please die.

- Ron