Hey Jerk staff put on an intensive Harold program

With rumors swirling towards the end of 2011 and in the early stages of the new year, the Hey Jerk staff will, in fact, be put on a Harold program, starting with the late-Monday hiring of fitness instructor/toast whisperer Harold Olajuwon III.



The program will consist of a series of Harold-finding missions, some long-overdue Harold Sensitivity Training and culminate with a week-long retreat through Harold National Park, site of the famous Ice Cube War of 1922 that claimed the lives of hundreds of Pauls and one Brent.

Olajuwon, grandson of 300-meter dash tungsten medalist Harold Olajuwon, will begin his tenure at the Jerk Friday morning at 6:00 a.m. by reading a page from his autobiography, "If I've Been Harold, Then I Apologize."