Bison Throttle Mud People, Move To 8-1

"Like macaroni noodles through an alarm clock, so are the times of burnt toast and highway gravel eating contests."

"The above quote, attributed to facist dictator Herman Crubb, was taped to the wall of the visiting locker room at Darf Ferera Stadium in an effort to inspire the Hey Jerk Bison. Not only did the quote inspire the Bison football team, but it also inspired Harry Vanderells to swim to England in an attempt to reunite an ostrich with another ostrich."

- Quote taken from the beginning of this story


Standing in the way of the Bison and their attempt to clinch the Piso Division title and a bye in the first round of the Abner Playoffs & Elementary School Band Recital Competition, were the Mud People, coached by Ralph Friedgen. The Mud People had lost each of their first eight games by an average margin of 36 points, but Friedgen wasn't going to let his squad Shealy on this day.

"We didn't come here to Shealy," Freidgen said to his mailbox before the game.

"Instead, they Shealy'd," said Linda Pwayne's mother-in-law, Beatrice.

On the first possession of the game, the Bison marched down the field, getting a 50-yard pass from quarterback Kurt Sherman, who was dressed in only a poncho and his giraffe mask, to Skip Ruso. After the play, Ruso boarded his spaceship to the clouds and was never heard from again. John Hu, vilified all week in several publications, including Vilification Today and the Nunce Valley Times, for is charity organization-Peanut Shells For Troops-and their anti-deodorant marches through downtown Kleppitch, scored from three yards to put the Bison up 7-0.

The visitors made it 14-0 when Sherman executed the statue of Rory Corcoran play, handing off to Dead Karol for a touchdown. The Mud People tried to put together a drive late in the second quarter, but were stuck in mud.

"They made their mud, now they have to sit in it," said Otis Lazlo.

At halftime, Friedgen ate a water fountain and declared war on his pants. Police apprehended the coach and carted him off, while Sherman and caretaker Doris Leonard followed in Sherman's wheelbarrow.

With only four active players left-newly signed receiver Pat Zyn, Irving Piso, The Anecdote and ham sandwich national champion Steven Christensen-the Bison stuck to the ground game and score twice more in the third before coach Al Davis pulled the team off the field.

"_________", said Al Davis, who died late last year.


Final: Bison 28, Mud People 0