Hey Jerk has announced the hiring of Steve Balboni as Staff Steve Balboni.
"He's one of the finest applicants we've ever had at the site," said HJ editor Edward Xomcheese. "And if we need a dribbler to third, we won't hesitate to call on Steve. Plus, we heard he can really get the job done on the toilet, and we've needed that at this site ever since Merchelsky died in the 70s."
Balboni insisted on being called by his nickname, "Porkchop", then he ate 17 pork chops and fell off the roof of headquarters. His whereabouts are not known at this time.
- Correspondent Doc Fellows
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