Chester Wiggles, popular poet and watermelon seed emancipator, has gone missing, according to a canary, Jerry that lives underneath close friend Vin Coker's fingernail. Wiggles, who Thurdsday penned the Hey Jerk Poem of the Week, "Poo!", and is also famous for the poem "It's True, There's Poo on your Shoe", was last seen insulting a mailbox.
If you have any information, please contact staff CEO Reginald Frompley.
- Correspondent Edith Lurchfield
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