Jerk Names Poopette as Game One Starter

In anticipation of its first softball game, Hey Jerk has announced Ladondae Poopette will start the season opener. Poopette, an 8-6, 410-pound right-hander, went 2-14 with a 10.37 ERA for the 2009 Doos, a Qwekinger County team in the Independent FeCal League.

"I'm honored to play for the Jerk softball team. I just hope they can actually put a schedule together and find a field to play on," said Poopette.


Poopette

Staff Hobo Chuck Frozengard, already on probation after a Monday incident with an earthworm, will slide into the No. 2 spot in the rotation. His comments before Wednesday's morning practice suggested a rift between the 42-year old and management.

"I was supposed to be the opening day starter," Frozengard said. "I think it's an insult that this Poopette youngster just signs a seven-potato contract and gets my spot in the rotation. They'll hear from my lawyer, Bobby, the canary that lives in my shoe."