Race Heats up to fill Staff Randy Mejito Position

In a historic event at Hey Jerk, the race to fill the coveted position of Staff Randy Mejito has come down to two worthy candidates on the final day of voting.

Randy Mejito


Pluses: Half of mustache inside nose; can hold in his mouth eight bell peppers at once; married to independent film star Vanalee Boochay
Minuses: Doesn't own pants
Previous experience:
2001-2004 - Worked as staff Mejito at influential culinary blog cookingwithchinhair.com
2005-2008 - Self-employed. Sharpened seventeen pencils (May, 2007).

Andy Mejito


Pluses: Owns two autographed pillow cases (autographer unknown); lived in a fireplace for six months (January-June, 1988)
Minuses: Has wrong first name for position; doesn't own pants
Previous experience: none


The election will take place all-day Tuesday and the winner will be announced in a special bath tub of turkey gravy, Tuesday evening.