The Slayings Continue: Staff Doctor, D. Compelli, Dead

Hey Jerk is saddened to announce that its longest tenured non-staff writer, Dr. D. Compelli, has been slain it what appears to be an unprovoked crime. An investigation is underway as to who may have offed the doctor, but it most likely won't go anywhere and the case will be shortly closed.


D. Compelli (Dead)


"I didn't do it," said Staff Assassin Sal Pepano, "I liked the guy. But if you ask me, it was most likely motivated by the fact that his photo was not created in Microsoft Paint." The Jerk will not provide comment either way on Mr. Pepano's opinion on the matter.

In a shocking and unprecedented move, The Jerk has decided to bring on a former staff member as Dr. Compelli's replacement. Once outed Rodney "Fat Neck" Glenn has been offered and accepted the role of Staff Doctor, effective immediately.

Rodney "Fat Neck" Glenn


"I don't know anything about doctoring, but I make a hell of a ham and swiss." No other comments were made from the Glenn camp at this time.

The re-hiring of Fat Neck Glenn will most likely lead to some backlash from the Crugg camp, where they are still fuming from the murder of Aaron Crugg and the dismissal of one time and original staff doctor, Wallace Crugg.