Son of Fat Neck Glenn speaks

MULKLEY VILLAGE, CW - Abner Glenn, son of disgraced former Hey Jerk staff dentist Fat Neck Glenn, spoke in front of his mailbox, early Wednesday, defending his father.

My father did not deserve to be fired from his job as staff dentist. Sure, he probably deserved to be fired from his grocery store manager's job, with all the rules they have now about chewing fruit and putting it back on the shelf and attempting to sell it. And I guess his work as a human lawnmower didn't end well after emptying his "bag" on the Peterson's dining room table in the summer of '82. But the recent firing was unjust and the parking lot olive war had very little to do with my father. And let me dispel a few other rumors:

1. My father has never performed dental work with a plastic spoon.
2. In his 20+ years of practicing dentistry, my father has only filled a patient's cavity with mashed potatoes once, and that was because the label was improperly marked.
3. If a patient is forced to stand up while my father performs surgery, it is because he is intensely self-conscious of his height (1'4).
4. No patient of my father's has ever been instructed to brush their teeth with Sour Patch Kids.

I hope this helps clear my father's name.


Abner Glenn