1st annual Hey Jerk Face Draft

1st round
[Analysis by Oscar Rainbow and draft expert Capolo]

1. Ottawa Rattlers (from Trenton) - Harold Torkowsky's nose. Set Fannin County record with 17 sneezes/minute in 2007. Nicknamed "The Schnozzer".

2. Ottawa Kangaroos - D. Devito. First man to be drafted in poo, sneeze, giraffe, ladder, and face drafts all in same year.

3. Santruce County - Mole (unattached). Two hairs: one brown, one light-brown. Confused for chocolate chip (Spring, 1997).

4. Rectal City, Utah - Rory Steinowitz' left ear. Small wound on lobe (cigarette). 14.2" diameter won largest at Rectal City Fair (1533)

5. Whisker Town - Whiskers. The Centipedes pick the home town facial feature to attempt to revive a dwindling fan base.



6. Yetiville - Forfeit. Due to the ridiculousness of the previous pick, Yetiville has chose to forfeit their pick at 6 and save funds for a possible late round Devito move.

7. Venableville - Chen Bradley's eyebrows. Grew back November, 2009 after an October ankle sock fire took the lives of thousands of eyebrows. Permanent barbecue sauce stain in left brow.

8. Lou - Lou. After forming own expansion squad in off season, Lou decides to draft himself.

9. Qweckney - Handlebar mustache. Once belonged to Pip Ledner look-alike contest runner-up Xavier Leech. Contains corn niblet.

10. Atlanta - Soul patch. Trendy in the mid 90's, everyone who wore one looked atrocious. This particular one belonged to Hey Jerk staff member Fob Quinkley (1999).

11. Cronk Valley - Melanie Cole's chin. Acquired in a blockbuster trade for three knuckles and a plate of forehead skin (September, 2003).

12. Trenton (from Ottawa Rattlers) - Franklin Dobbs' head lice. Nine-year old's lice collection valued at $1,500.


**2nd round coming soon**