December 8, 2009

LIVE BLOG - 2009 GIRAFFE DRAFT

Round 1

[Analysis by Capolo & Oscar Rainbow]

1. Ottawa Gorillas - D.Devito - Frompsberg State. 11'7, 2,367 pounds. Devito was consensus number one overall pick after completing 3 head stands in the 2008 regional finals v. Beluga Tech University.

2. Hensley Park Raptors - Juju - Locks Valley Conservatory. 23-inch tongue. Record 273 leaves eaten (May 7, 2008).

3. Uruguay Township Blue Whales - P.P. Reynolds - Pepano Air Conditioning Technical College. Shortest known giraffe at 1'4. Once dated Britney Spears.

4. West Poppadopalis - Ernie 7 - Holioke College. 13'8, 2,220 pounds. Poppadopalis voted best giraffe on roller skates from 1998-2001. Brother, Julian, starred in 1987 musical Somebody Get me a Glass of Water.

5. Jickson Maulers - Gilbert Boniva - Tymarius Institute of Technology. Boniva previously drafted in 3rd round of 1992 Poo draft but career stalled after eating too much cheese. Reinvested himself in Giraffing - oldest giraffe to be drafted (47).

6. Clampo County Vikings - Tito Pipp - Backroom College & Cafeteria. Once carried a fellow giraffe to freedom (cream corn avalanche). Second-oldest giraffe to be drafted (46).

7. Ottawa Capolo's - D.Devito - Frompsberg State. Rival Ottawa club drafts Devito on condition that if deal cannot be worked out with Gorillas, Devito deal strictly with them. Devito was first Giraffe to star in TV sitcom (Taxi).

8. Minnesota Plungs - Leech Brayburn - Voo. Thinnest poo (1977-1984). Signability in question after perfect score at 2009 Cabbage Olympics.

9. Takagawa Walnuts - Donnie Baseball - Japan College of Giraffe Development and O'Shoogie Design. Previously played for the New York Yankees and after retirement decided to focus on being a Giraffe. Starred in "When Harry Met Sally" (Coconut peeler)

10. Grottsburg Pirates - Chico Lind - KC Racers. 13'7, 2,575 pounds. Worst enemy: Jerry (lion).

11. Giraffe City Spiders - J.P. Schmoppo - Toronto Juniors. 27'8", 14 pounds. Known for trademark truffle shuffle after each cheetah attack. Loves middle-eastern Rhinos.

12. Shonsen City - Potato Murphy - Ben Hopkins High School. Favorite food: mud. 'Necking' led to November, 2006 marriage to Engo Vanderells; divorced: January, 2007.

13. Deluise - Penelope Franklin - Shmomway Middle. Known to fart violently during competition. Skills warrant a top 5 pick, but chance of diarrhea troubling.

14. South Klumptown - Bibb Chance - Oddoway State. Twig hoarder. Drafted in 2008 Giraffe Draft, but returned to school. Finished with 2.7 GPA (giraffe-pee-average) senior year.

15. Fompooly City Pombabos - John Candy - N/A. Candy drafted strictly on potential - once extended neck longer than 42 feet. Enjoys hunting rhino.


** Round 2 - December 10 **

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