A dark period in the Jerk's history has ended as Theodore "Teddy" Pinecone has been eaten by an alligator. Pinecone, who recently published his first novel "Smells I Smell", was frolicking in a nearby swamp when an alligator, Vincent, swallowed whole the former staff tree.
Pinecone leaves behind a pot of mashed potatoes. Funeral services were scheduled for Saturday at 1:00 p.m., but were canceled due to lack of interest. The mailbox flag eating contest will continue as scheduled, Sunday at 10:00 a.m.