Butterfield Given .04% Chance to Live

Almond Butterfield, recently placed on Butterfield Support, has been given a .04% chance to live by his doctor, Dr. Crugg.

Pray for Almond Butterfield. This could be his last evening on the planet.

- Butterfield correspondent Almond Butterfield

Butterfield Situation Not Good

Staff Kweglo Almond Butterfield has been placed on Butterfield Support.

We'll have more on this developing story throughout the day.

Butterfield Hired

Almond Butterfield, local cockroach assassin and grocery store cashier, has been hired on to fill the vacant role of Staff Kweglo.

Butterfield


Butterfield Bio

Name: Almond Balmond Butterfield, Esq.
DOB: 10/11/98
Height: 6'4"
Weight: 47 lbs
Nose: yes
Shirt: genitalia
Sexual Preference: Mule
Experience: 14 yrs, garbage technician; 50+ years bongo expert
Comments: Likes 10 and under aged mules, walks in the desert; dislikes computers and people that call him Albert

Please join us in welcoming Almond to our great staff!

- Trent B.