Three hired late Sunday

DES MOINES, Ia. - Three new hires were announced late Sunday as Billy, Billy's right ear, Gavin, and left ear, Olivia were all added as part of the closing ceremonies to Vince Fest.

The first three-time Vince Fest gold medalist, Vince Piccilo, threw out the ceremonial last pineapple at the ceremonies, then drank a bottle of Kiwi Splash shampoo to honor his fellow countryman, Billy. Billy was the most-recent two-time gold medalist from Antarctica.

"It's a great day to be a Billy. This hire was a long time coming," said Piccilo, who began chewing on his right wrist.

Billy, formerly a staff writer on the television show Capolo Henderson Today, will immediately begin work on the site's first-ever ice cream cone commuter bridge. Gavin's responsibilities include listening for the door bell (Mondays, Tuesdays and Thursdays), while Olivia has to first pass an earwax physical before becoming the first left ear in staff history.

"Truly honored to be here," Olivia said to Tim Yokum's right ear, Joe.

Olivia and Joe have been dating for the past two years and are planning to wed in late-August, pending approval by Joe's father, Henry Carson's left knee cap.