Budward Skoonch Located (UPDATE: DEAD)

Budward "Buddy" Skoonch, missing since the urinal door fire of '97, has been located at a small diner known for their "fish and chips" just outside of Jerkville, Utah.

Unfortunately for all involved, Skoonch didn't make it through.

Skoonch

"The first officer on scene was Officer D. Morris. As soon as he noticed Skoonch laying under that tractor-trailer, he knew he had been Steven'd by a group of local drug addicted Stevens. Unfortunately, its become all too common around these parts." - onlooker Jerry Fudge

After being Steven'd, Skoonch was run over by a tractor-trailer and almost completely eaten by the rabid, cannibal Stevens.

Skoonch's remains (left hand) will be on display for the next 12 months in the 31st floor womens' restroom.

- Staff Correspondent DeeDee DooDooDee