Bung family denies claim of employment

Mel Bung, a national champion book jacket-eating contest champion & first man to sail around the forehead of Marty Wilkins, had reportedly been offered a staff position (beach towel) Monday afternoon. The Bung family, led by Meredith Bung,

has since denied the report, stating only that Mel had been offered a side item with his turkey sandwich at a local delicatessen, Willard's.

"That's true, about the side item," said Willard's part-time server Jolynn Kramer. "It was either potato salad or coleslaw, and Mr. Bung still hadn't decided. I mean, come on, we're closing soon."