Jazzawick Era Begins; "Historic Day For That Area Over There"

Hey Jerk made a historic hire Monday, bringing on Jamison Jazzawick as a staff editor. Jazzawick is the first peanut eye man to be hired in the Jerk's 83-year history, though Beth Coughlin, a pastrami face, was hired as staff cantaloupe in May, 1983.

"It's a historic day for that area over there," said Hey Jerk president/grass stain appraiser Ernest Yockcheese while pointing. "Jazzawick stood out among dozens of peanut eye people, including Peanut Eye Percy, who has delighted pigeon rodeo fans for decades. But Jamison showed us what he could do at a water fountain when he drank for longer than anyone while wearing the most turtlenecks during our thirteenth annual Water Fountain Olympics last Friday. We had to make the hire."