**BREAKING** WADE BLONG ASSASSINATED

Recently hired Paul Apologist Wadeford "Tickle Toes" Blong (born circa August, 1123) has been offed, according to reports coming out of Jerk Headquarters. While HJ PR Rep Horatio Bellfoon would not confirm or deny that there had been an incident, he did state that "Wade Blong is dead."

Blong (Deceased)

Blong had already made "many enemies" according to inside sources coming out of HQ, and was apparently fond of stealing associates lunch trays in the cafeteria, defacating in them, and returning them believing that no one had noticed. There was also a reported incident in the 112th floor east restroom, where Blong reportedly made love to a male otter named Winston and then "forced himself upon a stall door" while insisting that Winston watch and chant the words to Kumbaya.

Immediately following his assassination, a commoner named Watson Delms'O'Kaka released a memoir "Wade Blong: A Hippo's Last Hurrah". Initial sales are positive, and all proceeds are to be donated to the United States Association Of Decapitated Garys (USADG).

Blong's services will not occur.

- Staff Blong Yorvo Cling