Mr. Bly,
My client, William Petunia (of the Norfolk, VA,
Petunias) has informed of your recent email correspondence. I regret to
inform you and your people that if these "automated responses", or
whichever you call them in your country, do not stop we will be forced
to take legal action.
As Mr. Petunia has probably informed you, I have been imprisoned for
the last 2 1/2 years for crimes committed against one Marvin Piso. Mr.
Piso claimed I stole several cartons of cigarettes from him and used the
tobacco inside the cigarettes to fuel a rocket to the ceiling. This is,
of course, both ridiculous and factual. I found the best lawyer I could
find (a life-size poster of myself) to act on my defense. Sadly, during
my trial the poster could never find the right words to say and we just
sat in silence for weeks.
Excuse me, I need a minute to reevaluate my position (backup right fielder) and my life goals with my goldfish, Deondre.
In the meantime, I await your response,
Robert Feathers, esq
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