Rainbow Eaten by Rabid Baboon

Oscar Rainbow, spotted yesterday running in the nude in San Juan, has been eaten by a rabid baboon. Facts are trickling in, and it is not known at the current time whether or not Dr. Rainbow survived the meal. One lucky sightseer was able to snap a photo of the event, seen below.

Rainbow (Possibly deceased)

The baboon was last seen scurrying into Derwood Forest - a dangerous, and some believe, haunted, place. Authorities were instructed not to pursue the baboon - a young attorney at law named Wayne - into the darkness. The current police strategy is to let Dr. Rainbow "fend for himself," and hope that he is digested and fecalated properly by Wayne Tolleson, a hero amongst baboons in Antarctica.

A funeral service will be held for Dr. Rainbow tomorrow evening at Rainbow and Rainbow Construction Inc. headquarters in Moscow. The public is welcome to attend.

- Staff Rainbow Man Stinky Phopp