Von Hammerwitz's tongue out of control

2:55 p.m. LST - Oopstelovich "Oopie" Von Hammerwitz's tongue has threatened several staff members and declared war on a bowl of chocolate chip mint ice cream, according to sources familiar with Ken Corcoran's situation.

Von Hammerwitz, who came to this planet in 1973 with direct orders to assassinate Dr. Emmit Crugg, will be under constant surveillance as Jerk staff attempts to remove the tongue without interrupting any ongoing investigations.

Von Hammerwitz declined comment, though he did marry an ostrich.