Led by former Quehist Plotz Murphy, the P.A.T. (People Against Try Outs), has been formed in the memory of Petey Zinn, an outfielder on the infamous Team 4 softball team of the late-1970s.
"We are concerned with having our members bypass trying out for athletic teams and be immediately put on rosters," said Murphy in his Captain Pastrami underpants. "No longer will people be put through the rigors of try outs. Wind sprints, tying up the laces on sneakers, trips to the water fountain, having to arrive at the try out on time, fielding ground balls while wearing pants, standing. These acts are a thing of the past."
P.A.T. already boasts a client list of 750, including Kern Sherman and Malik Ruso, who play for the NBA's Milwaukee Bucks, Big Forehead Paul, a punter on the Indianapolis Colts, and Larry Iris, a one-legged 15-year old who is a goalkeeper for the Edward Murton High School junior varsity soccer team.
"Our goal is to have millions of people, all over the world, playing for athletic teams they didn't have to try out for," Murphy said. "Professional, collegiate and high school levels. Try outs, or 'proving you're good enough', that's a thing of the past. It's about time we took something back from the Rafael Santanas of the world."
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