Sanjay Lump Assassinated; Lump Ballot Candidates Released

Penqua, Oregon - In a development long in the making, the Lump coalition had no choice but to act. Sanjay Lump, longtime sore spot for the Lump family, was finally located and put to death via a hanging in front of Lump Castle.

Sanjay Death Photo

(Also pictured - Jehiah, Warren Lump)

Sanjay had been sought for the murder of 17 Lumps around the globe, and was believed to be on his way to Warren Lump's Portland flat when he was spotted and apprehended by Lump police. After briefly resisting, Sanjay removed his pants and gave himself up.

Formally charged with 17 murders of fellow lumps, Sanjay Lump plead guilty in front of a group of his peer Lumps. Chief Justice Harold Lump laid down a swift verdict.

"Death." - Harold Lump

Sanjay was hung in front of Lump Castle on "Ol' Samuel." the Lump family tree which has been part of the coalition since the beginning, in the 1400's. Warren Lump attended the hanging, pointed and laughed, then relieved himself in Lump pond and left the premises.

Sanjay will be left to decompose to serve as a warning to subsequent Lumps of what can happen should you commit Lumpicide.

In additional news, the yearly ballot of 5 to decide who will be inducted into the Lump family was released today. It will be voted on in early March by a group of senior Lump officials, at which time a new Lump will be inducted into the Lump of Fame.

Candidates:

Robert Feathers
George Muresan
Flat Screen Harris
Private John Coolie
Fredo Sanchules (story coming)

- Staff Lump man Warren Lump