BREAKING: Maglio Missing

Joseph Wegland Maglio, frequent contributer at a rival blog and well-known planet enthusiast, was seen waving to a group of fans this morning and is now "missing."

Maglio (Missing)



Maglio was believed to have been content in recent years, despite his long history of drug, alcohol and walrus abuse. He seemed to have found comfort in his family farm and had frequently been seen riding the donkeys in the pasture. Days before his disappearance, however, Maglio was believed to have had a relapse on cocaine and barbiturates, as he was seen nude roaming through the streets of Brooklyn.

The Jerk will have continuous updates on the situation, as we all hope and pray Maglio can be brought home safely.

- Staff Maglio man Warren Lump