Final Game of Bison Regular Season Has its Ups, Downs

Bernie, Kansas - As the Bison took the field to take on the powerhouse Kansas Jayhawk squadron (0-14 w-l, 14 PA, 1403 PA), the crowd stood for a moment of silence to honor recently deceased Miles Derner.

Derner (DEAD)


Moving on to the game, the Bison had issues coming in. 4th string receiver Pat Zyn was incarcerated and electrocuted, so a need at wide receiver had arisen. Cue Hojo Blotch, 145th all time in yards receiving for Gershner County High (1956-1960).

Blotch



Blotch, a lifetime Giants fan, unfortunately showed up for the game nude. Either way, the man produced on the field. He instantly became Sherman's favorite target, catching 17 balls for 433 yds and 17 TDs. Running Back Skip Ruso also ran for just north of 1100 yds and 12 TDs in this one, which was 56-0 before the Jayhawks touched the ball. After a Jayhawk touched the ball, the refs gave it back to the Bison, who continued the romp by shoving the ball up Jayhawk coach Charlie Weis's coolie, who responded by eating the ball and being carted off on a stretcher. Assistant coach Shealy took over from there, and the Bison continued to roll. Fullback Koo-shua Hu ate 7 opposing players, including one time POTUS Angelo Foomgong, and made on the Jayhawks sidelines. Dead Karol flew off into the sunset, and grew banana legs along the way. Steven "hobo" Christensen lost his head, literally, then picked it up and flew to the nearest McDonalds for a salami sandwich. Sherman evaporated at halftime. All in all, this was a successful showing for the Bison, who ended the regular season strong with a 208-0 win over the rival Kansas squadron.

Next up: Playoffs TBD

- Staff Bison Man Travonjalicious Fwemp