Breaking news from Jerk headquarters as Santa Klauzenrodner has been named manager of the 1985 San Francisco Giants. The Giants, favorites to win Tuesday's world championship, also announced the hiring of Jaz Jerenovich as first-base coach and Poopy Persons as bullpen coach.
Klauzenrodner, seen here terrorizing the townspeople in artist's rendering titled "Christmas Eve", declined comment, except for this comment:
"Robby Thompson is on a short leash in the two-hole, and I mean that literally: we're going to have the bat boy hold him by a leash while he hits. It's the only thing we can do during this difficult economic time. I mean, have you seen what they're doing in Iowa these days? That's a troubling situation."
["Christmas Eve", by Marvin Zek]
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