HJ Bison Practice #3: Report

Gary, Indiana - The Bison took the field this morning for their third practice in preparation for their season opener next week, and looked mentally and physically ready to dominate their competition. A few highlights from the practice below:

Ruso: Left practice at 14 minute mark to make "violent diarrhea" in the women's restroom (Reason for using women's restroom below)

Zyn: DNP. Was found nude and smoking a cigarette, locked in the men's restroom singing "God Bless America." When door was finally knocked down, Zyn barreled through security and ran into the woods, screaming about the economy.

Christensen: Ate a cheeseburger during a triple option where he was to pull and lead block left, was reprimanded with a whipping on the sideline by assistant coach Sherman.

Sherman: Pantsless. Refuses to say "hut" or "hike" in order to get Kavack to snap ball, insists on saying "Economy" instead. Photo taken after Sherman threw his 14th pick of the scrimmage (below)


Hu: Ate LG Christensen. Lineman becoming scared for lives.

O'Dea: Flashes the stands, while yelling "boo-yah!" Fans flee.

More updates to come.

- Staff Bison Man Warren Lump