Bison Postgame Notes: Week 2

After an impressive 26-7 victory over Winder-Barrow HS, the Bison took to the locker room in glee. Bison staffers had already covered the walls with plastic and had the champagne bottles ready, and the Bison players did not disappoint. Sherman, after his refusal to play, stood in the middle of the room holding a bottle of Dom (Sherman was nude), and began his weekly postgame speech.

"We won one for Zyn. Plain and simple. Lets celebrate like drunken octopi!"

Immediately after, Sherman vanished into thin air and has not been located since. With that, however, things began to get ugly. Coach/RB Hu attempted to eat lineman Steven Christensen, but was stopped when Skip Russo got in the middle with a meatloaf and subsided Hu's hunger. Recently traded Pat Zyn began smoking some type of dark rock, and instantly proclaimed that he was changing his name to Vance Bentley, effective immediately. Zyn then fell into Jon Scottsten's locker, removed his underwear, and sang the national anthem. Several team members, led by Dead Karol, then relieved themselves on Bentley. Staffers remained after hours to clean up the "situation."

Security was finally brought in around 3:30 AM GST to remove the remaining team members, but not before lineman Brad Kavack was able to blow wind and declare the locker room a "war zone" that needed to be defended by the United States government and armed forces.

- Staff Bison man Warren W. Lump