Staff editor Edward Xomcheese has reportedly gone missing, according to a guy sitting over there next to that other guy. Xomcheese was put on suspension for lettuce evasion for the entire month of June and when he returned an armadillo was growing in his hair. Though he did contribute to several breaking stories including Capolo Tinkled Himself Again (August 22, 2011) and News Story, Part 6 (September 8, 2011), Xomcheese went missing on several occasions in early October and Jerk officials feel the latest incident could signal the end of the 53-year old's tenure.
Xomcheese's lawyer, tractor, declined comment.
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