Early Wednesday, Hey Jerk officials realized there hasn't been a pig on site at headquarters since the Pig Uprising & Bacon War of 1977, so staff pig farmer FooFoo McGonk was fired.
McGonk came on board during the late-1990s in an attempt to force the rebel armadillos from their hiding place in Capolo Forest. McGonk and his army, desk calendar, defeated the rebels, then enjoyed a delicious cheese and Fonchonski pizza while debating the existence of asparagus-flavored toothpaste. In 2008, McGonk was responsible for ending the 3rd War of Many Cruggs, and earlier this year declared his love to his toaster oven, Blaine, which didn't go well for either party (Toaster Oven Fires of 2011, Russo Times).
Though the position of pig farmer has been eliminated, early reports indicate McGonk's old staff position will be filled by longtime American salad hero Percy L'Shon.
Also: McGonk is dead.
1 comment:
Finally.
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