GROUNDBREAKING: Kafelnik Found Deceased

Gervin Kafelnik, recently hired Staff Bashonklin, was found passed away this morning in a toilet bowl on the second floor of his home. He was discovered by Gary Fempot, Gary Historian and Internationally renonwned Gary.

Kafelnik (Dead)


Fempot (Alive)



Fempot immediately phoned the authorities, stating that he had been at Kafelnik's residence to "sniff his toilet bowl seat" when he happened upon the body.

" I was getting a whiff of the toilet bowl seat, because old Gervin really knew how to make a doo. I spotted Kafelnik in the water of the bowl. I felt as if I should do something, but instead decided to continue my sniffage."

While it is not known how Kafelnik perished, it is believed that he may have had Dinkus Malfunction Disorder (DMD), which frequently leads to sudden extinguishment.

- Staff Odor Bill Odor